Come Back Expat by Jade Cintron

Expatriate vs Ex-patriot

The increasingly common misspelling of “expatriate” as “ex-patriot” twists the noun’s meaning in a curious way. While the expatriate is merely living away from his or her homeland physically, the “ex-patriot” has evidently distanced him or herself emotionally. Formerly a patriot, someone whom the dictionary describes as “devoted to and ready to defend” his country, the “ex” has had a change of heart.

credit to Washingtonpost.com

From May 14, 2017

The plane door spaceship opened and the Barcelona heat consumed the tri-state area humidity that had made the 7 hour journey with me and was the cause of my chia pet-like hair for the last 2 months. The minute my feet were on the ground, I actually felt a huge relief come over me. I was home. The familiar smell, the mix of Catalan and Spanish being spoken around me, the sweaty Mediterranean airport guys that at the very least are decent to look at and the pristine almost sterile design of a modern day European airport surrounded by the never failing bright blue sky.

I’d experienced a similar relief at familiarity before but this time, I felt that a noose was loosened from my neck. No one was directly responsible for the noose, but nonetheless, it was there. It was a situational noose. A circumstantial noose. A BITCH-ASS NOOSE. Fuck that noose.

At this point, I practically skipped from point to point until I landed at a plaza in my old neighborhood with a glass of cava in one hand and tapas on their way, just as I wanted. THIS was a plan. THIS was THE plan. To hell with everything else. I even started doing work from my laptop. This wasn’t a vacation. This was relocation for sanity purposes. I’d had it with all the driving and traffic, the cloudy days, the endless strip malls, feeling guilty for wanting to have alone time when I got home… and that’s just a taste.

My plans began to unfold quite naturally. I was back to my old tactics again…dinner plans, skating, volunteering, attending a day long teacher conference on a summery Saturday…FOR FUN, running a 10k, photoshoots…eating eating eating…drinking drinking…eating, seeing friends…AGENCYYYYYY

The days were suddenly longer and full of endless choices. People wanted to go out and not because they were prompted by me…but because this is what they did. They filled their days with this glorious outdoor social culture where nothing more than just having a relaxed social interaction and conversation is expected. Everything else is a pleasant plus. (Thanks drinks and tapas!)

Ughhh why can’t I just do my job from here all the tiiiimeeeee…I whined to myself and to anyone else that would listen. I didn’t have to answer to anybody…my time was my time and if I wanted to spend that surrounded by people or completely alone, it was all possible. No one expected anything of me (I hope?) and although I felt bad that I wasn’t going to see everyone, that was not my priority. OHHH and what a wonder it was to speak with my friends that spoke the same language as me…expat language, international language, traveler’s language. I’d finally broken free of credit scores, mortgages, marriage/relationship expectations, climbing the corporate ladder…that damned American dream that while it sometimes makes sense to me…damn isn’t there more?

The fresh air, the bright blue skies, the FOOD, the scenery, WALKINGGGGGGG AHHHHHHHHHH I GOT TO WALK AHHHHHHHH

And while life is never deprived of drama, even if just a bit, emotions were under control..manageable.

When I got back I realized I needed to make more of an effort to bring over what brought me peace…for me. I realized, I’m gonna go home one day. To BCN. I’m going to do what I’d half joke about with a glass of cava in my hand…live there but come back for my job in the states which I love.

Stressing cannot be an option anymore. I have good things going for me in Jersey and soon, Philly. I just need to set my BCN lifestyle here and take control of what that was instead of waiting for things to adjust to me. The things that were driving me nuts? Unfortunately, I have to deal with them for now…but soon, I’ll be in my own home, studying, working, running my 10ks, singing and if I do it well, traveling home to Barcelona often until I finally get to stay. Oh yeah. Ja veuràs.

• Jade Cintron